CARL (P)AGAN'S COSMOS CORRECTIONS!

Today's blog by: Minister Josiah Phibes.


Minister Josiah is a graduate of The University of Jesus where he majored in biology/theology, and is now the senior professor of Biology. He is also the senior physician at St. God's Memorial Hospital, where he does the lord's work every day by saving lives and refusing visitation to dirty, vile homosexuals and their so-called loved ones.

I was just sitting alone and staring at the vision of our lord on the Cross, and it inspired me to read a book. However, this book was not my usual choice of literature (there was never a greater author than God in my opinion as well as yours). What I reached for was a book called Rivers of Eden. This may sound nice and Christian, but unfortunately, it was written by a non-church astronomer named Carl (P)agan. You see, this piece of literary sin was written with only one purpose; to blaspheme the church as well as factual and Christian Science-supported archaeology.

Carl Pagan has this hair brained idea that the universe is billions and billions of years old, and despite the bible’s factual and proven account of creation, claims that animals, namely fish and plants, were here for millions and millions of years before humans. We, of course, know this to be untrue as the book of Genesis clearly states as follows:

• First day: God creates light ("Let there be light!")^{[Gen 1:3]}—the first divine command. The light is divided from the darkness, and "day" and "night" are named.
• Second day: God creates a firmament ("Let a firmament be...!")^{[Gen 1:6–7]}—the second command—to divide the waters above from the waters below. The firmament is named "skies".
• Third day: God commands the waters below to be gathered together in one place, and dry land to appear (the third command).^{[Gen 1:9–10]} "earth" and "sea" are named. God commands the earth to bring forth grass, plants, and fruit-bearing trees (the fourth command).
• Fourth day: God creates lights in the firmament (the fifth command)^{[Gen 1:14–15]} to separate light from darkness and to mark days, seasons and years. Two great lights are made (most likely the Sun and Moon, but not named), and the stars.
• Fifth day: God commands the sea to "teem with living creatures", and birds to fly across the heavens (sixth command)^{[Gen 1:20–21]} He creates birds and sea creatures, and commands them to be fruitful and multiply.
• Sixth day: God commands the land to bring forth living creatures (seventh command);^{[Gen 1:24–25]} He makes wild beasts, livestock and reptiles. He then creates humanity in His "image" and "likeness" (eighth command).^{[Gen 1:26–28]} They are told to "be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it." Humans and animals are given plants to eat. The totality of creation is described by God as "very good."
• Seventh day: God, having completed the heavens and the earth, rests from His work, and blesses and sanctifies the seventh day.

Now, one might ask questions about this story of creation like, “Why, if man is only a day older than animals, how come non-church science shows a separation of hundreds of millions of years?” Answer: Because it’s non-church science. Or questions like, “If God created light on the first day but didn’t create the sun and the stars until the fourth, what then was this other source of light and where is it now?” The answer to that is pretty simple, God destroyed it immediately after so that Pagans who would ask such questions wouldn’t worship it and dance naked beneath it. Well, we saw how that turned out.

Carl Pagan’s book paints a very different story all together. In fact, he’d drawn up an actual cosmic calendar comparing the history of the universe within the time frame of a relative year calendar. It looks a little something like this:

Well, we can clearly see this is wrong. My friend Kent Hovind called me from prison just this morning to explain to me the actual history of the universe from the factual biblical account. And from this, I edited the photo above to make it NON-FICTION!

So, I’m sure you can see why these heathens in science are so confused about history. They just don’t get it. They for whatever reason feel the need to seek and try to explain things for themselves when the truth is right in front of their eyes. At least, it would be if they only picked up the good book and held it in front of their faces. After all, they've been trying to say there is no God for centuries, but I've been skimming my bible a lot lately and I can't find anywhere in there where it states there is no God, and if it ain't in the bible, it ain't true! Oh, and my friend Kent says, “Hello, I’ll be out of prison and not paying taxes again in no time.”

Thank you all for reading. God bless. In Jesus’ name we pray.

AMEYOWN!